Bored Paris Hilton

Yes, it has come to this: Paris Hilton's boredom is news. Previously, the minimum level of Hilton activity meriting media coverage has been a fart, but with this story about how the Vienna Ball understimulated the heiress so thoroughly that she couldn't be bothered to squeeze out even the most grudging of flatus in exchange for her generous appearance fee, the old standard has all but been erased, and a whole new avenue of coverage involving the occasions when her trademark privileged, dead-eyed stare seems incrementally more glazed over has opened up. It shouldn't take more than a week before InTouch moves boldly into the boredom space by featuring a photo spread of an ennui-stricken Hilton blankly staring at her Sidekick, waiting for the arrival of a text message from Nicole Richie that may never come.

Paris Hilton Graffitti on Melrose Ave.

It seems that not even our fair city's unprotected walls (this one is on Melrose by Harper Ave, according to the reader who sent in these photos) can escape the ubiquity of pure unearned-fame-being Paris Hilton, with graffiti artists now appropriating the debased heiress as the muse-tard for their guerilla scribblings. We have no idea who this "Inners" person is or whether or not Hilton actually fellated him (perhaps he's a bouncer at Hyde?), but that's unimportant, as the creative force behind this piece has now inadvertently provided her with a new medium for disseminating self-promotional gossip; soon, structures all over L.A. will bear the blight of strategically deployed messages like "PARIS HILTON FUKKIN HATES NICOLE RICHIE AGAIN--WATCH THE SIMPLE LIFE: FAT CAMP ON E! TO FIND OUT MORE!"

Paris Hilton Set The Stage for Simple Life 6

When Paris Hilton threw herself on the mercy of the court back in January, Lady Justice looked sympathetically upon the wayward heiress' DUI ways, sentencing the preeminent area flashbulb-whore to 36 months of probation, reducible to 24 with optional community service. Sadly, Hilton's recidivist nature would prevent her from resisting the Call of the Strip, as she was stopped speeding on Sunset around 11 p.m. last night, with her headlights off and in possession of a suspended licence. The probation violation could result in the "Stars Are Blind" singer's next impromptu table-top performance occuring at a medium-security correctional facility dining hall near you: