Paris Hilton Update

Keeping pace with the torrent of developments in the life of martyred socialite and pastry chef muse Paris Hilton has become next to impossible lately. We therefore offer the following compendium of the day's most noteworthy events:· Transferred last night out of the Twin Towers medical ward in downtown L.A. (a place nicknamed "The Dings," where the 200 inmates are called "dingbats"), Paris is currently under observation in Lynwood's far cozier medical unit, where she'll stay until officials determine she's ready to return to her original, solitary confinement cell. Oh--and she's still "a mess." · In order to determine if Hilton was serving a fair amount of time for her crime, the LAT analyzed 2 million cases (surely securing them next year's Pulitzer), and determined the heiress is serving a harsher sentence than 80% of those who had committed comparable offenses.

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