The Guy Who Gets Paris Hilton's Virginity

Socialite Paris Hilton lost her virginity to TV producer Aaron Spelling's son Randy, according to the former Sunset Beach star himself. The 26-year-old actor, who co-starred with his former flame in the 2006 straight-to-video movie Pledge This!, claims they had sex together when Hilton was just 15 - three years shy of the legal age of consent in California.

Randy tells the New York Daily News, "We were together for like two months.

"We went to Palm Springs once for the weekend, and we couldn't check into the hotel under her name because her grandma was looking for her.

"She was like 15; I was 17. And what do you know, I hear this knock-knock-knock on the door, and I look out and her grandma's there. And then I look out the window and I see Paris in a full-on dress with a suitcase running down the golf course. We broke up like a week later."

Randy said he recently bumped into Hilton at a Los Angeles nightclub, and she has a special place in her heart for him.

He enthuses, "She came up to me and she was like, 'I want to say hi to Randy.' She was like, 'Randy took my virginity. I want to say hi.'"

Randy's Sons Of Hollywood reality TV co-star David Weintraub, adds, "Randy was Paris' number one and her number 50 and number 150."

Hilton Sisters New Shirt Concepts

· President Monkey heralds the arrival of [*name of trendy LA shop that does not actually sell these entirely fictional shirts redacted] latest Paris Hilton-themed t's.· Judge for yourself: Did Denise Richards bring some snow to the beach? Bonus: Telephoto lenses have rarely been used for purposes this disturbing. [NSFW]· The Golden Cage: It's just like Big Brother, except it could go on forever and there might be actual prostitutes, not just the usual, fame-seeking kind you see on reality TV.·Free Ignignokt! (T-shirt to follow, if there already isn't one.)· There was a time in our lives when this news would have made us really, really happy. Now it just makes us want to put on Women and Children First and pray it's a hoax.

Paris in A Conspicious Apperance in an Award Show

While virtually our only memory of last night's Grammys telecast involves Justin Timberlake face-fucking a handheld video camera in an attempt to translate his performance into a more YouTube-ready format, an operative who was in attendance jogs our memory about a blink-and-you-missed-it Paris Hilton appearance we'd forgotten about, offering a look at how her two seconds of screen time was made possible:
i was at the Grammys last night and about 2/3 through the show Paris Hilton and friend were ushered in - people were asked to leave their seats and a small scuffle ensues, Paris and friend sat down in those seats, she applied makeup and talked on her phone then - then surprise - the camera gets a shot of her in the audience, then paris and friend get up and leave and the original seat holders get their seats back. Was this in any way related to Hilton being a major sponsor of the Grammys? And do they really think having her there helps promote the hotel chain? Cause when I see Paris I'm thinking "ho" not "hotels."
If the aim was to offer the Hiltons a sneaky, near-subliminal plug for their sponsoring hotel chain by briefly planting their living, sex-tape-plagued brand extension in the audience for a cameo, it almost certainly backfired, as within seconds of the heiress's flashing across our screen, we felt an uncontrollable urge to go see if Paris Exposed had come back online to post a new round of bubble bath videos and STD-suppressing prescriptions.
[Pictured: Hilton engaged in deep conversation about public policy issues with L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa at the Universal Music after-party.

Bored Paris Hilton

Yes, it has come to this: Paris Hilton's boredom is news. Previously, the minimum level of Hilton activity meriting media coverage has been a fart, but with this story about how the Vienna Ball understimulated the heiress so thoroughly that she couldn't be bothered to squeeze out even the most grudging of flatus in exchange for her generous appearance fee, the old standard has all but been erased, and a whole new avenue of coverage involving the occasions when her trademark privileged, dead-eyed stare seems incrementally more glazed over has opened up. It shouldn't take more than a week before InTouch moves boldly into the boredom space by featuring a photo spread of an ennui-stricken Hilton blankly staring at her Sidekick, waiting for the arrival of a text message from Nicole Richie that may never come.

Paris Hilton Graffitti on Melrose Ave.

It seems that not even our fair city's unprotected walls (this one is on Melrose by Harper Ave, according to the reader who sent in these photos) can escape the ubiquity of pure unearned-fame-being Paris Hilton, with graffiti artists now appropriating the debased heiress as the muse-tard for their guerilla scribblings. We have no idea who this "Inners" person is or whether or not Hilton actually fellated him (perhaps he's a bouncer at Hyde?), but that's unimportant, as the creative force behind this piece has now inadvertently provided her with a new medium for disseminating self-promotional gossip; soon, structures all over L.A. will bear the blight of strategically deployed messages like "PARIS HILTON FUKKIN HATES NICOLE RICHIE AGAIN--WATCH THE SIMPLE LIFE: FAT CAMP ON E! TO FIND OUT MORE!"

Paris Hilton Set The Stage for Simple Life 6

When Paris Hilton threw herself on the mercy of the court back in January, Lady Justice looked sympathetically upon the wayward heiress' DUI ways, sentencing the preeminent area flashbulb-whore to 36 months of probation, reducible to 24 with optional community service. Sadly, Hilton's recidivist nature would prevent her from resisting the Call of the Strip, as she was stopped speeding on Sunset around 11 p.m. last night, with her headlights off and in possession of a suspended licence. The probation violation could result in the "Stars Are Blind" singer's next impromptu table-top performance occuring at a medium-security correctional facility dining hall near you: